It is the time of the year again and here I am jotting down every single thoughts that come across my mind just so I don't forget even a single bit of how I feel right now.
2016 is a year full with emotions,
roller coaster ride with thoughts of giving up haunting me, of course I didn't.
And I think I ended up being stronger than ever.
First half of the year was when I had short semester, together with the juniors of lower semester. It was definitely a pleasant journey cause it was not just my first time leading such a big sub group but also the first time I question about my capability. Guess I really thought too high about myself most of the time. So I learned to be patient, to be more humble. And feeling more grateful than before to be blessed with great teammates and tutors. Yes it made hell big difference.
What came next was the 4th semester of my degree year which I called it hell. (smiles) Guess most of the people know why and I don't want to talk too much about it anymore. Keep ranting about the same issue won't make me look any better so yea at least it's over! But it was the time I broke down the most, crying almost every one or two days and to the edge of "YES THIS IS IT FLIP TABLE" I have that thoughts so easily I noticed but same thing I sucked everything in and went through every hardships given (flips hair like a boss). Really I never knew I could be this strong before enrolling myself into this course, both mentally and also physically. But thank goodness, it ended well enough too. Again, I'm extremely thankful for always having angels around me to help me out when I need them most, be it just emotional support or physical ones. Guys, it helped a lot...
Slowly I realized, the more I'm doing it the more I wish it could just end as soon as possible.. More and more struggles I have faced with my inner self conscious. I have to fight with myself every single day without fail, telling myself to stay strong and finish everything. My day will come, my time my glory will soon be there...
Semester 5 just ended weeks ago, the craziest semester ever with very very little sleep in between. The only long sleep I would get was probably after submissions (half of time not cause the submissions continued after one another), you will find breathing wasting your time too no joke. And some dramas happened too, it was not well managed enough I have to admit but what needed to be done have been done, we will see. Academic wise, I think I have done quite ok despite the heavy workload thrown at me (all of us) I handled them pretty well. And I cried no more! okay I only cried once the day before studio submission when 3Ds max decided to fail me last minute. But I kept praying and tadahhhh everything went smoothly in the end! Guess a strong mentality is what keeps me alive till today! Even the boyfie was surprised at how chill I was at coping with most of the things, at least I don't go to his place and cry all day all night anymore.
I'm actually happy at how much I have changed compared to the first few semester, definitely growing up! Daddy please be proud of me hehe
Disclaimer : I do not think crying is the best way to solve an issue but definitely not considered as something bad to be done too. It was a way of mine to release my emotions and it harms no one so why not? At the end of the day I still managed to finish up my part and I definitely felt better!
Soon after the semester ended, as it draws closer to the end of my degree life. I did a lot of thinking lately, since I have nothing else to do other than just sitting there. I question a lot on my decision, did I even regret getting myself into this? I have to say, I did but not much. And I'm actually quite glad that I went through these years doing something I was not really interested nor good at it.
It thought me a lot to be honest, and I was hit by this sudden realization of how I should really start planning about my future. Of what I really love and wish to do for the rest of my life, my life is already set to be inseparable from languages and I know it so well. It was a missing piece from me for the past 10 years, a big part of me still long for it very very much. So I have made up some plans for 2017 and please wish me luck on making them come true! Need them lots!
2017 is definitely a better year to look forward to, I always believe that things only get better if you believe that they will. And how bad could it be provided I have already gone through the worst days for the first half of 2016. There are so many things I'm anticipating too!
Internship, language class, Taiwan trip, graduation and my completely new life!!!
At the end of this post, I would like to dedicate my appreciation to every single person who had helped in any way, every way be it good or bad. Thank you just thank you for shaping me into ME today. Never would have gone this far without these great ones surrounding.
k going to continue my kdrama binge.
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